She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
