Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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