toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
