I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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