absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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