Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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