Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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