I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
