I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
