I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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