I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
