they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
