I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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