I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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