I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
