You're completely useless in the revolution.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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