I could make wine with my vomit
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
