Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
