you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
as a side note pls kill me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
