I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize