Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
