I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
