96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize