He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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