She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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