There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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