Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
