just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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