Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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