I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
