You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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