i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
