He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize