I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
