his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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