he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
