Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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