so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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