drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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