why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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