I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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