If i come over, it means nothing
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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