but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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