Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
