I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
