forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
