don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
