friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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