I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
