Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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