I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize