Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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