I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
