nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
