He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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