It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
