People with herpes should wear stickers.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
