Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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