I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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