one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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