Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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