i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
